2010.05.17 by Daniel
Lazing around Binh Hoa
On May 14 Tien and I went to the market for breakfast. Her family had moved their shop one door down to the entryway where the food stalls are. Hanging in their shop was a shirt that said "Chicago holiday in member recruitment we require oral interview."
We had a familiar breakfast there before returning to the house to play some Wii. After lunch the power went out, and we spent the rest of the evening playing games on the iPad, eating fruit and playing badminton in the street behind Thu's house.
A lot of folks passed us on the street and gave different expressions, from happy smiles to uninterested expression. One girl was wearing a shirt that said "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."
On may 15th, like many days to come, we woke up with no power. Nhi and Ngoc spent the morning singing You are my Sunshine and playing it on the iPad Air Harp. It was a pretty lazy day, with a few more to come. I thought about a video I saw on the plane that used the same phrase as the Lonely Planet book when describing Vietnam: Life in the fast lane. As I lay in a hammock eating cake and drinking fresh squeezed orange juice in a house with no power I failed to find any fast lane.
Tien and I decided to go to LX to cool off in a cafe and surf the net for a while. On our way we passed a man missing both legs from above his knees. He was shuffling slowly down the side of the highway using two blocks of wood under his thighs as a sort of shoes.
We went to a new cafe just off the main street. There was a No Kissing sign by the door and a photo of GW Bush in the bathroom with his fingertips touching his head and the text "in Texas we call this a brain sucker starving."
On the way home we went by an electronics shop to pick up a headphone splitter and price a 110/220v converter to hook up the Wii and the WiFi at the same time, but ended up not getting it because of the price. Limited technology isn't a bad thing.
On the way home I saw a whole family on a motorbike. Dad was driving, mom was cradling a sleeping child on the back and the family dog was resting its from paws on the handlebars.
There was still no power when we got home. Luckily rain came and cooled everything off.
Tien and I made some plans to go to a nearby beach, Ha Tien. We talked about leaving the next morning, but instead spent the next few days lazing around Binh Hoa playing Wii and iPad and badminton. Still can't find that fast lane.
• • • • •
2009.11.02 by Daniel
Day to day in Binh Hoa
Friday we woke up and did some internet stuff. I was catching up on a lot of Internet in the morning. Tien got me a breakfast sandwich and made me a banana and strawberry smoothie. What a lucky guy I am, my fiance bringing me food at my computer!
Tien found the information we needed about how to get me a drivers license in Vietnam and it was incredibly simple. We headed to Long Xuyen to get the things we needed in order to apply for it: a photograph of 20x23mm and a notarized translation of my CA driver's license. We also cruised around to look for a DC power adapter since I forgot the one that goes with the WRT54G that I brought from America. We found one near a park, and after buying it I decided to go take some photos in the park. I was looking for high places to photograph down from in order to make the miniature perspective of the tilt/shift work, so we also headed up to the Panda Cafe on the 6th floor of a building overlooking a main intersection and had some drinks and took some more photos from there. We then cruised down to a local market area, past a block full of flower vendors that smelled a lot like San Jose smells in the spring. I told Tien about this as we were passing through. We picked up some stuff for Thu and headed home to spend the evening hanging out with her family. I tried to hook up the WRT54G and found that the power adapter did not work.
Saturday morning we woke up and headed straight to the translation service and then to the police station. It was a day for people to drop things. While we were riding along I saw three people drop things off of their motorbikes. I've also noticed that school is in session now because the streets are full of uniformed students. The girls look beautiful in their all-white traditional clothes, and the boys have a classic schoolboy look in their blue pants, white shirts and red ties. Most of them ride bicycles to school, some hitching rides with others or on motorbikes.
When we got to the police station they informed us that they couldn't give me a driver's license unless my visa was good for at least 3 more months. This was mildly disappointing and I couldn't help but wonder if it was a subtle attempt at extortion. I didn't care enough to find out so we left and went to have brunch at a cafe where we often used to go to surf the net. The food was OK and the drinks were great. We talked about our plans to travel to Nha Trang and possibly to Thailand, what else we would do while I was here, and about whether or not I would return to the USA on Nov 25th, which I think is likely.
We went and swapped the power adapter for one that we thought should work even though it was slightly underpowered, cruised the 20 minutes home from Long Xuyen and found that it did not work. I really didn't think it would be so hard to find a 12v 500mA DC adapter, but surprise surprise, Vietnam is full of surprises.
That evening we went out in the neighborhood for a walk. We stopped at a little cafe where some locals were watching a ridiculous television show. We ate ice cream and mosquitoes ate me. My ice cream was one of those triple flavors, chocolate, mint and durian. That was interesting... it's the first time I've had durian since I knew it was the "stinky fruit." It definitely has a very, very odd and distinct flavor and scent.
Tien and I ate dinner on the floor with her mom and sister that evening. I was a little melancholy and I think this made them slightly uncomfortable, but it's not like we could talk about it. The side-effects of not being able to speak to anybody except Tien were beginning to get to me.
Aside from nonverbal communication, another thing that was getting to me was a pain I'd had in my ankle. Ever since I got off the plane in Tokyo I had a pretty significant pain in my left ankle. I thought it might be a pulled muscle or a bruise on my ankle, but the more I had thought about it the more I thought it might be something with my ligaments. It is a pain stretching from the middle of my shin on the inside, down to the top part of my ankle joint, and also is affected by the arch of my foot. Tien gave me a massage and rubbed some Ben Gay™ that her brother in law had brought from america and that made it feel much better, though not healed.
Sunday morning I woke up at 7:15, which is early for me. While Tien and I were at the market having breakfast I saw a shirt that said "Do u know now much plannet u mean to me" and thought that was pretty funny. We talked a bit about where we wanted to go on a trip, and afterwards we headed to Long Xuyen to find yet another power adapter.
After visiting about 10 stores we finally tracked down a 498mA power adapter and decided to buy it even though the man at the shop said it was not very good quality. We took a back road to get back to the main road which I always enjoy because I like seeing new areas. The road took us by the river and on the way we found a crowd of people standing at the waters edge. They weren't celebrating, but they weren't frantic either. Tien listened to what they were saying and told me that a child had fallen into the river.
A man away from the crowd began to shout, but nobody payed attention. I thought this was interesting because it seems that Vietnamese people shout a lot. This ended up being one of those "never cry wolf" situations because he was trying to tell them he saw something in the water. A few more people also began shouting and soon a teenage boy ran over and jumped in the water to look for the child there. Several people swam along the shore, which dropped off very steeply, and were diving under looking for the child. We stayed a while but the child was never found...
I had talked to Tien before about how children here are not taught to swim which leads to many of them drowning, and here was a real life example of such a tragedy. I feel stupid and ashamed that I never thought about the fact that the children in Tien's family can't swim and it wasn't until a few days later that one of her other family members suggested that they be put in swimming lessons. Tien couldn't swim when I met her, and I wondered if anybody else in her family could.
When we got home I tried the power adapter on the wireless router and it was too unstable and thus did not work. I decided to give up on the whole thing, I'll just mail the power adapter once I get back to the USA.
That night I opened a bottle of Da Lat red and had wine with dinner. It was the first wine I'd had since leaving California and it was delicious and familiar. It felt good to have a familiar taste that is heavily bound to California. That night I slept deeply.
Tien and I had planned to go to Nha Trang on Monday, a beach resort town up towards Danang, but that morning Tien said we weren't going to go. She had a sore on her mouth and did not want to travel far until it was healed. I wasn't sure if this was for medical or aesthetic reasons, though I suspected both and agreed.
At breakfast I was trying to teach Ngoc some english words and realized that she had a very difficult time saying words that begin with the letter S. I asked Tien about it and she said there are very few words in Vietnamese that begin with that letter. I thought about phonetics exercises and games that we could do to train her mouth to say english words.
Instead of going to Nha Trang we talked about going back to Mt. Cam where we could hike up the mountain and swim in the pools of the stream that go down from the lake on top of the mountain. We made tentative plans to do this the next day. We also made tentative plans to teach Ngoc and Nhi how to swim in the pool in Long Xuyen.
We had lunch and I wondered about why there were no tuk tuk's in Vietnam. Tien said that her dad and brother both used to be tuk tuk drivers, but a while back the police said that people weren't allowed to have them anymore. She couldn't explain the detailed reasons why, but said that one of the reasons was because there were too many motorbikes. I suspected that the tuk tuks were causing accidents or clogged traffic. I found it hard to believe that anything was limited on the streets of Vietnam, it seems like you can ride whatever you can build on the street.
That afternoon was very uneventful and empty, and the boredom of Binh Hoa began to set in. We were going nowhere and I couldn't talk to anybody except Tien. I was sitting idle and feeling like I was wasting away. Tien and her sisters decided that evening that we would go to a Catholic All Saints Day festival that was going on up the highway. I wasn't in much of a mood to go by this point, but it was better than sitting at home and I was up for anything at that point.
The crowd was huge. People were filling up the little two lane highway and vendors came to sell flashy lights, stuffed animals, foods, all sorts of trinkets and just about anything. There were hundreds of people walking along the highway buying things, chatting, riding bikes, talking on cell phones, etc.. Some were going to the graveyard to burn incense and light candles for their loved ones. Very few were going to church to pray.
I felt very uncomfortable in that crowd. It was like being so famous that every single person in the crowd knew me, but I wasn't famous for necessarily good reasons. And it was like I had a sign around my neck that said "please say hello." Hundreds of eyes watched me as I did absolutely nothing interesting. People laughed and joked while watching me. Dozens of people shouted "hello" and dozens more said things that I couldn't understand. If I had been in a better mood I think it might have been OK, but with my frustrations from being so idle I wasn't really in a good mood for it.
Instead I just tried to take photos of stuff, but was uninspired. The night was also very dark and it was hard to get a clear picture. We went to the church and I took some photographs of that, lamenting that I had no tripod. I resolved to buy one or make one.
The incense at the church smelled wonderful on the air and there was a full moon.
That night I talked briefly with Tien about how I was frustrated with the inability to communicate and the fact that we weren't finding anything to do except be lazy at home. We decided to go ahead and go to Nha Trang.
• • • • •
2009.10.31 by Daniel
Returning to Binh Hoa and Long Xuyen
Wednesday we got breakfast at a new place. It was in the tourist area in Pham Ngu Lao and had a menu in English, French and Vietnamese. We both ordered orange juice that was fresh squeezed and not sweetened. Its natural flavor was delicious and a nice contrast to the MSG overload from the previous night. The food was so so, you really can't male a tomato omelet too bad or too good.
We headed back to the hotel where I heard from David that he thought he might be contagious and didn't want to expose us, so he declined a meeting and wished us well. With that we decided to plan our return to binh hoa. Tien heard that her cousin was driving to Saigon and back that evening. At first we thought this would be great, but she changed her mind after hearing that there were many people coming along because it was a bus. She said that because we would be guests it would be a cultural obligation for us to buy food for everybody, which would be fine if it were just a few people in the car, but not with a bus full of people. We decided to get bus tickets instead. She arranged them, we packed our bags, checked out and headed off to the bus stop in a taxi.
The taxi took a route that was unfamiliar, through new, wide streets with overpasses and bridges over a river. It was unlike any roads I'd seen in Saigon. It was modern, something I'd expect to find in Hanoi. It made me happy to see Saigon taking on this sort of project.
We were dropped off at a bus stop that I don't think we've ever been to before. After getting our tickets we had thirty minutes left so we got food and coffee. This may have been the dirtiest bus stop I've ever seen, but the food and coffee were delicious.
We boarded our bus and it was very familiar. It's interesting to be familiar with something when you don't understand any of the words that are being said there. I doubt I could navigate this bus system myself. Incidentally though, the man sitting next to me spoke English, which may be a first for Vietnamese buses. Tien and I played wurdle until the bus pulled out of the parking lot, which felt like it was pocked with craters. The music went on and tien fell asleep. I wrote this, and now the man on my right and tien on my left are Leaning their heads on my shoulder as I peck away on my iPhone. I wonder if the camera on the iPhone has a wide enough angle to capture this scene...
Our bus stopped at the usual spot to refuel and let us all move our legs, freshen up and get food. Tien and I ordered pho and it was absolutely delicious. This was great not only because I have a head cold, but I have had a long string of mediocre or bad pho for I don't know how long. Coffee and tea were also nice. We headed off again and got to Binh Hoa after dark.
Mai and Thu met us down the street from Tien's house with motorbikes and rode us home where the family was waiting. It was really great to see everybody and to be home. Tien and I sat in the living room with her mother and sisters and nieces enjoying each other's company and catching up on the last few days. I passed out some gifts I had brought from America, jewelry for the ladies and Jelly Bellies for the kids. Tien's brother said that he was raising frogs. Everybody thought I should take medicine for my cough and that I should eat food, but honestly I wasn't hungry. Tien warmed some water for me, I took a shower and passed out. It's amazing how traveling can wear you out sometimes.
I had a good night's sleep despite that I had to wake up and pee twice during the night. At Tien's house this isn't such a simple thing. You have to unlock this huge steel gate and slide it back, which makes a loud screeching metal sound. The day was already warming up and I took a cold shower that felt nice.
Tien's sister in law was out on the back porch mincing a bunch of tiny fish. I had seen a slap-chop in CA before I left and thought it might be a good gift. I still wonder how it would've gone over...
Tien and I went to the market for breakfast and had hu tieu and coffee. Familiar food and familiar faces. Afterwards we went to see Thu's new house being built. It is a two story brick and cement house at the edge of the market in Binh Hoa, about a city block from Tien's parents house. Later Tien would show me a rendering of what it will look like and it looks pretty cool. It has an upstairs patio, which I love. Thu found one that is similar but looks different and more to her liking, but the builders say they can't make changes after they've started building.
We headed back through the market and went shopping for fruits and vegetables. This is an open air market with fruits and meats laying out in the open air. There were several fruits that I didn't recognize. Thu bought one and cut it up for us to eat and it was very delicious. It tasted like a grapefruit but had a much thicker rind. In fact, it did end up being a grapefruit, but not the ones commonly seen in America.
We headed home and took a nap. I couldn't sleep much so I played Field Runners, which I haven't played in a long time and not since they upgraded some features. Tien gave me a massage, one of the things I really missed.
That evening we went to Long Xuyen and had dinner on a boat that cruised up and down the river. It was fun, but the boat was really loud and vibrated a lot. Nhi's spoon kept shaking in her bowl, I guess she had the epicenter of the vibrations below her. I spotted a medkit and felt like I was in a video game.
• • • • •
2009.07.19 by Daniel
Bad Breakfasts, Leaving Binh Hoa with Tien
Wednesday morning I slept through my alarm and the noise of the other people in the house and didn't get up until after 9, which never happens. Shortly after I got up the power went out, which is now pretty normal. Tien and I decided to head into Long Xuyen to get breakfast and return my suit.
Breakfast was notable because it was a pretty miserable experience. Tien took me to a new place to try a new food. Before we even got our food I was having respiratory problems from the fumes of passing scooters. When breakfast came it wasn't very appetizing to loom at, and the flavor wasn't exactly desirable to my taste buds. The thing that finally made me a little nauseous though was one of the most disgusting dogs I've ever seen that came wandering by. Black nipples dangled inches below the low hanging skin of the bitches belly and sores adorned her backside as she miserably waddled past looking for food. Tien asked me "is it terrible?" "yeah..." she just laughed, apologized and said that it was her favorite thing to eat for breakfast.
Things got better at our usual coffee shop near the lake where we got lost in the Internet looking at Stereoscopic images online. I found the Loreo 3d lens in a cap and decided I wanted to buy one if I ever found one. We headed out to look for a camera shop and helmet shops, but didn't really find anything good. We headed home and on the way I wished I had a smaller camera to use for times like when I'm on the back of the scooter, or when the d300 was too large to bring along, or when I want to take video. I decided I really need a second camera.
Thursday was yet another rainy day. Tien and I spent a usual amount of time trying to figure out our future, this time discussing the option of me going back to America at the end of July and having her come later once the visa is approved. This option sucks, but may be the right way to do it... I wasn't happy with that thought because I never wanted another long distance relationship, and I definitely didn't want to be a married couple who live in separate countries. The frustration with this combined with the rain made me very tired and I slept for most of the day.
That evening after it got dark the rain finally let up so Tien, her sisters and I went into town just to get out for a while. We went to the supermarket and I finally found the Da Lat wine I've been looking for, so I bought a bottle. It was a little tart, but I enjoyed it. What can I say? I love wine.
Friday was another interesting breakfast. Tien and her mom try to make me new things to eat, but sometimes they attempt to recreate the type of meal I'd have in America. This morning was eggs, bread, butter, coffee, uncooked hot dogs and pig liver pate with soy sauce. I really do appreciate their effort to show me new things, but I had to tell Tien that coffee and bread with eggs and soy sauce was good enough. Uncooked hot dogs and pig liver pate have no place in an american breakfast.
Unexpectedly, Tien's uncle from Saigon showed up in his Toyota tercel. He was on his way through to drop somebody off and was headed back to Saigon that day. Tien and I had been planning to go there for a day and then fly to Malaysia, and this was the perfect chance to go, plus we wouldn't have to ride in a bus. I was certainly ready to get back on the road since I was setting a new record for consecutive days spent in Binh Hoa, so we packed up and waited for him to come back.
So we waited... And waited. We had thought he would be back in an hour, but he wasn't. I played iPhone video games to kill time. Then I let Ngoc play some. I taught her how to play field runners while we ate lunch and she did better than I expected on her second try.
We finally left Binh Hoa at 2pm in the cool comfort of a private car, a rare pleasure in Vietnam. Her uncle ended up being one of those stick shift drivers who doesn't use the friction zone so my equilibrium was a bit off, but it was still better than the bus.
I saw a person at the side of the road with a sewing machine ready to do alterations and repairs.
Tien's cousins house was on the way so we stopped by for a while. It was a nice house across a wooden footbridge from one lane sub street off the main street. Some men were in the water building the foundation for a wider cement bridge that would be safer for the villagers.
We went inside and sat a while, eating corn on the cob and rambutan. I went into a back room and laid down in a hammock and enjoyed how quiet it was in this place. Quiet was something I had been longing fir since it seems like there is noise everywhere in Binh Hoa even though it's in the country.
It began to rain. The rain was loud in the tin roof of the wooden extension o the house. I really liked that place... The wood was dark and welcoming and the vaulted ceilings made the space feel larger than most Vietnamese buildings which have flat ceilings.
The rain got heavier, then the power went out, then we left.
There were a lot of people out on scooters despite the rain. They all wear and share rain ponchos. I saw a man with an ATI Radeon poncho. This was not because he worked for ATI or owned a Radeon card or probably even a personal computer. He probably got it from someone at the factory where it was made. Just like everything else brand name, it's not for fashion or endorsement, it's what's available.
The skies outside were smooth grey and for some reason it reminded me of Littleton. The journey was now a familiar one and I usually knew what to expect to see ahead.
Tien and I shared my iPod because I finally got a headphone Y splitter that worked correctly. It was nice and I even was able to hear new things, like how Kaskade's song Mccamon uses the sampled record noise to make a beat.
We stopped for dinner and I ordered beef, but somehow ended up with seafood. This tends to happen. I most certainly never order seafood but somehow I end up with it. Oh well...
Back on the road I looked out into the dark night and imagined that I was somewhere else. I used to do this as a kid on the way to Texas. Dark roads are hardly distinguishable so you could just as well be anywhere else in the world. I thought about the trip ahead, going to Malaysia, just Tien and I. The car stereo was trying to drown out the music from my iPod and I wondered what could be less sexy than Vietnamese talk radio.
We were dropped off at the same house I came to my first night in Saigon and ended up at the same hotel I was staying at when I proposed to Tien. Saigon might actually be starting to feel like home.
• • • • •
2009.07.16 by Daniel
The Engagement Party
Tuesday was the day of our engagement party. We woke up and went to the bank to withdraw some money that was a gift from my parents and my grandmother. This took a long time. We then went to a jeweler and Tien bought a lot of jewelry, then we exchanged the remaining dollars for dong. This also took a long time. The jewelry was beautiful though, and it is tradition to buy these types of jewelry with the money given by the family of the groom. We got lunch and headed home at mid day and took a nap.
When we got up I thought I was supposed to get ready for the party, but I wasn't. Tien had gone to get her makeup done so I just hung out and played on my computer even as the guests began to arrive. A girl came in and began speaking to me in very basic english, very unsure of herself. Her name was Ngoc and she was 15. She was Tien's cousin. We talked a little about music and other standard chit chat. I soon thought it was time for me to get ready, but alas it was not and Tien's sister Thule told me to take another nap. Then when I got up she told me to come out and visit with people and gave me coffee.
Tien soon showed up and said "get ready!" I explained that I had been trying to, but her sister kept making me drink coffee and take naps. I showered and put on my suit, the one they hadn't measured me for. It actually looked pretty sharp and fit pretty well. I was happy with it. A good suit makes a man happy in a unique kind of way.
I went out into the room where the party was taking place and there were a bunch of people I didn't know, including a table of all men. A man came up to me and spoke to me in broken english. Ngoc said he was going to fill the roles that my father would fill if he were here.
Somebody gave me some things to hold in a specific way, then grabbed a bunch of the men and gave them things to hold, then we were all told to walk outside. A photographer was directing us on where to stand and how to stand, but of course I couldn't understand anything he was saying. The photographer had a disfigured hand but was rockin' the camera like a true pro. The group of us stood there in the gentle rain with traditional engagement gifts and had our pictures taken by the disfigured photographer. Then we went inside and had our pictures taken in there. Then I had my picture taken alone in there, still holding that stuff in that specific way, still not knowing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. Somebody took the stuff away from me and instructed me to do some traditional poses while I had my picture taken.
I itched my ear and noticed that there was a mosquito bite on it. I also had one on my eyebrow. There is no part of my body that is free from those suckers.
The photographer ran off to do something else and the man who was acting as my father said "You stand there alone for ten minutes until your bride comes." So I stood there by myself for about ten minutes while a bunch of other people had their pictures taken, and things were opened and candles were lit and more pictures were taken.
The man acting as my father came up and asked me something about religion, and I wasn't sure what he was asking, but when I asked a clarifying question he just said a statement and didn't respond as if he still needed an answer to his original question. I realized that this is a common phenomenon with miscommunication. Somebody will ask you a question, but when that question isn't understood they simply turn the question into a statement about their stance on what the answer had to do with.
Tien appeared in the door and had her picture taken. Then she came out where I could see her. She was wearing traditional clothes and looked amazing. I think she looks great in red, and that's what she was wearing. One by one I took the jewelry that we'd bought earlier in the day and put it on her, posing for a photograph with each piece. We were then instructed to do this and that, and I was really confused as to what to do because there were several people talking loudly to each other in my immediate vicinity. Tien tried to explain something to me, but a man was shouting in my other ear so I decided it was probably best to just go along with whatever.
I thought about how I was a lot like a dog living with Tien's family. Her sister tells me to go sleep, then feeds me. Everybody talks in a language I don't understand except for a few words. They feed me, laugh with me, I entertain them with tricks. Then when a group of people show up I get confused as to who to listen to and do my best to behave the way I think I should, but I honestly have no idea how that should be other than behaving, smiling and minding my manners.
Tien and I were instructed to walk slowly outside to have our pictures taken. Traffic was flowing on the road near the front of her house where there were flowers adorning the entryway. Trucks and motorbikes passed by and honked, and for a moment I thought they were honking congratulations but I then remembered that they always honk like this and were simply driving by.
We made our way out to a van, piled in and drove off through the rain to a restaurant in Long Xuyen. As we were driving I again appreciated how nice my suit was. I felt like James Bond looking so sharp in a nice suit in a third world country passing by a river with boats and machinery around it. I tried to think of a spy plot but couldn't come up with anything specific.
We crossed over one half of a bridge where the other half was still being built. One of the cranes had fallen into the river because the ground below it slid out from underneath it. Thankfully it landed on the river bank instead of on the one good part of the bridge.
I thought about the paradox between the actions of reality and the ceremony that celebrates an occasion. We were celebrating this engagement between Tien and I, an occasion that is romantic and amorous, but I felt like I was participating in a play where I was merely playing a part but wasn't actually supposed to feel anything. Like I was supposed to appear in love, but couldn't actually act on the feelings of actually being in love.
We arrived at the restaurant and had more photos taken at the entryway. When we got to the dining room floor everybody was already seated, eating and drinking. Tien and I had more photos taken in the surrounding area. We walked down the aisle between the tables, having our photo taken, and got onto the stage where we had our photo taken. I was finding it very hard to concentrate because a light nearby was trying its hardest to set something on fire, and I could see and smell the smoke. This was going on right by a big cake that we were supposed to cut, and we cut it while we had our photos taken and the light bulb kept trying to set things on fire.
As we got off the stage there was this really loud, really awful music playing. I looked up towards the DJ booth and saw a karaoke display cuing words, but nobody was singing. We had instrumental karaoke music. Soon the man who had acted in place of my father got on stage and said some things, and then began to sing. Tien and I were finally allowed to eat. They brought me Saigon Red Beer, and gave us food and people sang.
I was having a really good time. The singing was fun, the company was great, the occasion was great, the beer was good, the food was good. I asked Tien what it was we were eating but she didn't know what it was called. She just said that it was part of a pig, and after looking again at it I guessed it was pig stomach. It was delicious.
The table of men who had been at Tien's house was now sitting at one of the tables at the restaurant. They were a bunch of badasses. They were smoking and cheering and saying loud things while pointing like they were totally going to go do something awesome as one big gang. One of them got up on stage with Tien's brother and sang karaoke with him.
A woman next to me was trying to get me to eat my rice quicker, so I obliged, but when I did I got the hiccups. Then I thought I was going to look like a drunk with the hiccups so I drank beer to wash the rice down and that probably made me look more like a drunk.
Tien sang some songs, and after one she stayed on stage and danced a little and then I got on stage and danced with her and we had our photos taken. Then the end of the song erupted into another big photo session with everybody in the restaurant coming up to take turns being photographed with Tien and I underneath a green light. This went on for some time, and all the sudden the party was over. The music was off, people were going back to the van and it was dark out.
We hadn't even eaten a single piece of cake.
We took the cake, got in the van with a bunch of other people and drove back to Tien's house. When we got there Tien's mom started cutting the cake up and putting it in bags for people to take home. There were hardly any people left though, but some of us got spoons and started eating the cake right off the platter. It was delicious. There were butterflies and flowers made of white chocolate and mint chocolate. We ate until we didn't want anymore and there was still half the cake left over. Then everybody left and I laid in the hammock for a while and somehow ended up asleep in my bed.
It had been a great party, even if I didn't understand a word of what was said during the ceremony.
I thought about the paradox between the actions of reality and the ceremony that celebrates an occasion. We were celebrating this engagement between Tien and I, an occasion that is romantic and amorous, but I felt like I was participating in a play where I was merely playing a part but wasn't actually supposed to feel anything. Like I was supposed to appear in love, but couldn't actually act on the feelings of actually being in love.
We arrived at the restaurant and had more photos taken at the entryway. When we got to the dining room floor everybody was already seated, eating and drinking. Tien and I had more photos taken in the surrounding area. We walked down the aisle between the tables, having our photo taken, and got onto the stage where we had our photo taken. I was finding it very hard to concentrate because a light nearby was trying its hardest to set something on fire, and I could see and smell the smoke. This was going on right by a big cake that we were supposed to cut, and we cut it while we had our photos taken and the light bulb kept trying to set things on fire.
As we got off the stage there was this really loud, really awful music playing. I looked up towards the DJ booth and saw a karaoke display cuing words, but nobody was singing. We had instrumental karaoke music. Soon the man who had acted in place of my father got on stage and said some things, and then began to sing. Tien and I were finally allowed to eat. They brought me Saigon Red Beer, and gave us food and people sang.
I was having a really good time. The singing was fun, the company was great, the occasion was great, the beer was good, the food was good. I asked Tien what it was we were eating but she didn't know what it was called. She just said that it was part of a pig, and after looking again at it I guessed it was pig stomach. It was delicious.
The table of men who had been at Tien's house was now sitting at one of the tables at the restaurant. They were a bunch of badasses. They were smoking and cheering and saying loud things while pointing like they were totally going to go do something awesome as one big gang. One of them got up on stage with Tien's brother and sang karaoke with him.
A woman next to me was trying to get me to eat my rice quicker, so I obliged, but when I did I got the hiccups. Then I thought I was going to look like a drunk with the hiccups so I drank beer to wash the rice down and that probably made me look more like a drunk.
Tien sang some songs, and after one she stayed on stage and danced a little and then I got on stage and danced with her and we had our photos taken. Then the end of the song erupted into another big photo session with everybody in the restaurant coming up to take turns being photographed with Tien and I underneath a green light. This went on for some time, and all the sudden the party was over. The music was off, people were going back to the van and it was dark out.
We hadn't even eaten a single piece of cake.
We took the cake, got in the van with a bunch of other people and drove back to Tien's house. When we got there Tien's mom started cutting the cake up and putting it in bags for people to take home. There were hardly any people left though, but some of us got spoons and started eating the cake right off the platter. It was delicious. There were butterflies and flowers made of white chocolate and mint chocolate. We ate until we didn't want anymore and there was still half the cake left over. Then everybody left and I laid in the hammock for a while and somehow ended up asleep in my bed.
It had been a great party, even if I didn't understand a word of what was said during the ceremony. • • • • •
2009.07.14 by Daniel
Visa Issues
Sunday was a rainy day. Everybody was hanging out because there's not much to do outside when it's rainy, and it's difficult to get places on a scooter while it's raining. I was on my computer fiddling around when Tien came in looking a little sad and told me that her mother and sister didn't approve of us getting a tourist visa to get into the USA quickly because they said it was impossible, and that if we wanted to do it that way we didn't need to celebrate the engagement party. I didn't understand why on earth those two things had anything to do with each other. We talked a long time about it and I could barely make sense of it. I was incredibly frustrated and started questioning everything, which is typical "shit doesn't make sense" behavior for me.
Tien and I went out to a nearby cafe. The place was wide open, as most places in this area are. It was made up of a grid of posts holding up a thatched roof and between the posts were hammocks. In the centers of the squares created by the hammocks were tables and chairs. We sat at one table and Tien ordered a milk that she ended up never touching. We again tried to make sense of things, tried to figure out a plan to get into America at the end of the month. We were still set on getting the tourist visa because it only made sense, so we decided to somehow continue down that path. With that resolve, we rode off to another restaurant and got food and beer. Just as we sat down it began to rain heavily with lots of wind, and for the first time in Vietnam I was cold and wished I had a hoodie. Tien hadn't dressed well for the weather and was freezing. When the wind and rain subsided a little bit we got on the scooter and rode home through the rain, then cuddled up under a blanket to get warm, eventually migrating to the bed and sleeping for the rest of the night.
Monday I woke up with the intent to unravel every last detail I could find about the tourist visa and whether or not it was a good idea. Just as we were filling out the form I noticed one detail and decided to do some googling before submitting the application. About 30 minutes later I had relented to doing things a different way, with the fiance visa. It was not because going to the USA on a tourist visa was impossible, but because the short time frame we were aiming for could create some large legal hurdles in the future, potentially creating immense problems for us that could last years. I decided it was better to wait a few months and get things done easily from the beginning than spend years trying to sort things out. I decided this because I am already exhausted from all the bullshit associated with US immigration. It's unbelievable how difficult it is to get things done the right way, and it is very easy to see why so many people take shortcuts or simply enter the country illegally. For many people I would wager to say there is hardly an alternative to illegal entry. When I looked through forums online I found many many people who were also incredibly frustrated at how difficult it is to legally immigrate their fiance or spouse. This seems to be par for the course with the US gov though. Just look at the recent stimulus bills that essentially gave the irresponsible people a free ride out of responsibility and shared that burden with those of us who had been responsible all along.
Through all of this, every time I ran into another detail with the word "months" in it I thought of Anthony Hopkins after he had his stroke in The Legends of the Fall, talking to his son Brad Pitt. "Screw the government."
I also found a website, www.visajourney.com, that tracks visa processing times and although the estimated time for a fiancé visa is 6 months, apparently it only takes 75 days on average in Ho Chi Minh City, which was much more reasonable. So, after conceding defeat, Tien and I headed into town to take care of some things for our engagement party.
I saw men playing soccer barefoot in a parking lot off the side of the road.
While we were riding I heard somebody call out, and when I turned to look it was the fight guy from the bus. I was so amazed to see somebody I actually knew while I was out and about that before I knew it I'd smacked him on the arm even as we were riding and said "look at this guy!" as if he could speak english. Tien laughed a lot and then some stuff was said in Vietnamese and soon I waved goodbye.
That evening Tien and I went to a more upscale lounge style restaurant, probably the most swank place I've been in Vietnam, and got some smoothies. It amazes me that so many of these places don't even have alcoholic drinks on the menu. A lounge like this place in SF would be charging $8+ for cocktails and probably wouldn't even have a blender to make a smoothie with if you wanted one. We watched some American movie on TV and waited for the standard evening rain to stop, but it didn't stop, so again we just rode home in the rain.
• • • • •
2009.07.14 by Daniel
A Tragedy in Binh Hoa
Saturday morning I woke up to Tien climbing back into bed. “I have some bad news from the people in my village..." She went on to tell me that the father of her best friend Trinh, whose family lives across the street, was on his way back from taking his parents to the airport when he had a heart attack. Trinh and her boyfriend rushed him to the hospital where they diagnosed him as immediately needing an operation. It was an expensive operation and Trinh did not have the money, but they would not do the operation until they had the money. Trinh and her boyfriend rushed off to the bank to get the money that was needed, but by the time they returned to the hospital her father was dead.
Tien said he was a good man. Good to his family, good to the people in the village. I had met his wife, she is a wonderful woman. He had planned to take her to a tailor to get new clothes made so they could attend the engagement party for Tien and I. This family was close to Tien's family.
Trinh and her boyfriend were on their way back from the hospital with her father's body. When Tien and I headed in to Long Xuyen to take care of some engagement stuff they had just arrived at the house and were preparing a memorial.
Later in the day Tien and I went over to their house. Trinh's father was laying on the bed under a blanket, a flower in his mouth, his wife at his side fanning the flies off of his body. A table was at the end of the bed with a photo and a little shrine with many sticks of incense and cigarettes burning in his honor.
I had never met Trinh, and this was hardly a good time for introductions, so I ended up not even talking to her. Her boyfriend was nice though, he was taking care of most of the folks who were coming in to pay their respects. Tien spent a lot of time with Trinh while I sat at the side of the room and took in the gravity of the situation. I partly wanted to photograph the scene, but didn't want to actually go through with doing it. The photographs would've been amazing though because of the genuine sorrow. It was bittersweet. Clearly these people loved this man, but now he was gone.
I gave my regards to Trinh's mother and then Tien and I went back to her house. We talked about how unfair it is that sometimes money rules who gets to live and who has to die. It's interesting that this sort of thing happens in a communist country. We talked about the health of people in Vietnam and how they handle medical problems. She says that people do not go to the doctor, they just take medicine to alleviate their symptoms, and if the symptoms don't go away then they go to the doctor. She said that they do a bunch of things that probably don't help serious problems.
The world is really different over here in Vietnam. So much is the same, but so much is different...
• • • • •
2009.06.14 by Daniel
Living the Dream
After a morning out with Tien walking around Saigon in the hot sun, after I asked her to marry me, we did what most people do during the mid day heat and napped it away in a cool place. We talked and were happy with all that had happened and the new direction things were going with the two of us. We talked about traveling to America.
At dinner we found ourselves on a side-street with many english speakers and restaurants that had Asian and western cuisine. We shared a ham and cheese crepe along with a VN dish, and I had a Saigon Red. It was very satisfying to taste a bit of home and to drink that cold beer on that hot day with my new fiancé. I thought about asking the other English speakers about traveling to Cambodia, but decided not to since my plans were not set.
We went back to the hotel room and took a short nap, checked out of the comfort of the hotel and instead chose to (try to) sleep on the bus on the way to Binh Hoa where we would tell her parents about our decision. I got just about no sleep, and was hardly comfortable until we got to Long Xuyen where other passengers got out. This was like 2 miles from her house. It was 1am.
I'm not sure what all was said because Tien is the only english speaker in her family, but later she told me that she had told them and they are happy with our decision and give us their blessing. I wasn't sure when she was going to tell them and having learned that they already knew I felt a little weird being past what would've been a moment in the spotlight for me to ask for their permission and thank them for their blessing. I really have no idea how this works in Vietnam, and I doubt I'd be much good at it even in American culture. I guess I'm just used to doing things my own way so when it comes to doing things the way of tradition I'm lost.
We had a delicious breakfast at the market and talked things over. We decided that she would stay here to finish a class she is taking, get her passport and her visa to come to America, and that I would continue traveling as I had planned. This tears me a little because I had so hoped that she would be able to come with me, but it's just not possible. It will be good to continue to travel though, but it would be good in a slightly different narrative as well.
I spent the evening on skype and on chat with friends and family, telling them about how our engagement came about, and everybody was very happy and congratulated me as I knew they would. I had at one point thought about calling a close friend to ask his advice on the situation, but thought better of it knowing exactly what he'd say. I was right, and it was great to have the support and excitement of my friends and family.
Several people told me before I left to come to Asia that I was "living the dream." I never really thought about it like that, I just thought I was doing what I wanted to do. Now though I am having dreams and making them come true and so I do feel like I am doing as they said, I am living the dream.
• • • • •
2009.06.07 by Daniel
Leaving Binh Hoa and Saigon
At 5:30 yesterday three long shadows headed for the bus to Saigon. Thu, Tien's sister, saw Tien and I off. One week after arriving in Binh Hoa we were headed back to Saigon, back to the airport.
One earbud and one earplug each, Tien and I lost ourselves in music as our bus flowed through mixed currents of scooters and buses through city streets and country fields, stopping a few times to exchange passengers with the outside world. At one stop I saw a slender american looking girl appearing somewhat lost, standing next to a bus and chatting with a metropolitan looking Vietnamese girl. I didn't get a chance to talk to her, though I would've liked to see what she was doing out in An Giang.
I saw a man on a bicycle with a trailer that said "hamburger" and was carrying two panes of window glass.
When we arrived at a ferry building some vendors poked into the bus selling sweet corn on the cob and tortillas and for a moment I forgot what continent I was on. As the ferry approached the far side of the river the bus driver turned on a light and yelled something back to Tien. "We need to pay more because you are a foreigner." I didn't care much to argue about it, and later when I gave the driver 50,000 more he took it and went to eat.
We went on listening to music and driving through the night. On my left, Tien fell asleep with her head on my shoulder, and the stranger on my right did the same. I couldn't sleep though, these seats were made for short people so I got no head rest. My neck was hurting and my head kept falling back. We drove a long way, sometimes down dirt roads with one lane bridges. There were countless bridges, including the beautiful My Thuân bridge.
Eventually we made it to Saigon and found a taxi to take us back to the house we stayed at on my first night in Vietnam. Two familiar faces unlocked the iron gate and let us in. By this time it was 11pm and we had to wake up at 3:30am. This didn't stop Tien and I from staying up late saying goodbyes and sharing the last of the time we'd have together for a long time.
The morning came too early and as soon as I was done showering a taxi was waiting outside to take us to the airport. The streets of Saigon were very empty at 4am, so it was a quiet, dark ride. I kept thinking of Late Night Alumni's Sunrise Comes Too Soon.
When we arrived at the airport we found our contact at the travel agency. He gave me a bright orange bag and a bright orange hat which I had no idea what to do with. I managed to stick them in my luggage though, I thought they might come in useful. Despite wishing me well a few times, Tien stayed with me until I was right at the security checkpoint, which is fantastically easier to manage than american airports. I gave her a 500,000 bill, said a final goodbye and stepped through security.
She had been my translator and guide from the time I had stepped out of the secure area, and here I was back inside it, once again without her, headed to Hanoi. I thought about this while I was sitting at the terminal, thinking about how she was probably crying in the taxi on the way back to the bus station.
I slept on the flight, somehow, and before I knew it I had landed in Hanoi and was out walking around in the terminal, wondering where the hell to go. I didn't see anybody with a sign that looked familiar, or any of the folks from the tour that had been on the flight. I decided to put on my orange hat, and no sooner had I done so than a man was welcoming me and telling me to sit and wait for the rest of the group to arrive.
So I did. I sat and waited. I ate a Snickers bar and drank a Sprite. I read some of On the Road by Jack Kerouac. I wrote most of this.
• • • • •
2009.06.06 by Daniel
A relaxing weekend
Sunday morning in Binh Hoa village, the plans to go to the beach fell through two different ways due to cultural customs. That stuff sure can get in the way... That's OK though, one more relaxing day in Binh Hoa will be fine.
Yesterday afternoon was relaxing and wonderful. Nearly heaven, nearly zen. I was laying in the hammock in the kitchen where Tien's brother and his wife share a double bed in a corner with their two daughters. No sink, no oven, no refrigerator. The same spot where each night the family members sit on the tile floor and eat their meals, happy as can be. I was watching Tien's figure through the hammock webbing as she washed dishes in a tub under the tin roof of the back patio, the same place this family washes their clothes and hangs them to dry. They same place they wash their children. I was listening to Debussy on my iPhone, Arabesque No. 1 and some other stuff from All About Lily Chou-chou, the leaves of tropical trees blowing in the blue sky outside the back door, a gecko crawling down the inside wall, a warm breeze blowing over my body. I was charmed by this place, by its people and their good lives.
I don't wish I could've photographed this because it's the kind of thing you just can't photograph. Maybe a film could've captured it...
Tien came inside and sat with me. She's very sad that I'm leaving, and she said some preemptive goodbyes, expressed some happiness and sorrow. It was a very bittersweet moment that lasted quite some time as we sat, talked, found small ways to show affection for each other, enjoying the physical company that has been missing for the last 8 years of our friendship.
She was wearing a really cute engrish shirt. Cartoonish line drawings of a face and some characters. "Beloved he has maded by yours truly love."
Later that night we went out on a scooter ride to see the sunset and to go to the bank to get money that would not be needed. Tien and I planned to take her whole family to the beach as a way for me to show my appreciation for their hospitality, but when we got back home her mother would not have it because of the cost. She felt guilty for Tien and I spending too much money on it. Tien was very sad about this, and I was disappointed but understanding. I don't know how else to show my gratitude. I've been trying to come up with something more original than simple monetary compensation, but have come up fruitless in such an alien society. Plus, what do you buy for somebody who owns 3 of about 10 local shops?
Yesterday afternoon was relaxing and wonderful. Nearly heaven, nearly zen. I was laying in the hammock in the kitchen where Tien's brother and his wife share a double bed in a corner with their two daughters. No sink, no oven, no refrigerator. The same spot where each night the family members sit on the tile floor and eat their meals, happy as can be. I was watching Tien's figure through the hammock webbing as she washed dishes in a tub under the tin roof of the back patio, the same place this family washes their clothes and hangs them to dry. They same place they wash their children. I was listening to Debussy on my iPhone, Arabesque No. 1 and some other stuff from All About Lily Chou-chou, the leaves of tropical trees blowing in the blue sky outside the back door, a gecko crawling down the inside wall, a warm breeze blowing over my body. I was charmed by this place, by its people and their good lives.
I don't wish I could've photographed this because it's the kind of thing you just can't photograph. Maybe a film could've captured it...
Tien came inside and sat with me. She's very sad that I'm leaving, and she said some preemptive goodbyes, expressed some happiness and sorrow. It was a very bittersweet moment that lasted quite some time as we sat, talked, found small ways to show affection for each other, enjoying the physical company that has been missing for the last 8 years of our friendship.
She was wearing a really cute engrish shirt. Cartoonish line drawings of a face and some characters. "Beloved he has maded by yours truly love."
Later that night we went out on a scooter ride to see the sunset and to go to the bank to get money that would not be needed. Tien and I planned to take her whole family to the beach as a way for me to show my appreciation for their hospitality, but when we got back home her mother would not have it because of the cost. She felt guilty for Tien and I spending too much money on it. Tien was very sad about this, and I was disappointed but understanding. I don't know how else to show my gratitude. I've been trying to come up with something more original than simple monetary compensation, but have come up fruitless in such an alien society. Plus, what do you buy for somebody who owns 3 of about 10 local shops? • • • • •